The Questions Worth Asking at Every Doctor Appointment | Strength from the Well

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The short version

Three questions cover almost everything. What do you think is going on, what else could it be, and what should make me call you. Write them down before you go, say your biggest worry in the first minute, and do not save the scary thing for the end. The end is when everybody is already leaving.

Key points

• Lead with your worst worry. Do not build up to it.
• What else could this be is the single most useful question in medicine.
• Always ask what would make you call them. That is your tripwire.
• Repeat the plan back out loud before you leave. It catches mistakes.
• A written list is not rude. It is the most considerate thing you can bring.

Here is how it goes. You sit down, you talk about the easy thing, you circle the real thing, and then the hand goes on the doorknob and you say oh, and one more thing.

That last thing was the whole reason you came. And now there are ninety seconds for it.

This happens to everybody. It is not a character flaw, it is what happens when you are nervous and the clock is loud.

I have sat in enough exam rooms over the years — chasing my eyesight back, chasing a transplant — to know the doorknob problem by heart. I lost more than one real question to that hand on the doorknob before I learned better.

The fix is not being braver in the moment. The fix is deciding what you are going to say before you get there.

Write three things on paper. Paper, not your phone, because your phone will betray you when you are flustered.

One: what is actually bothering you, when it started, and what makes it better or worse.

Two: everything you take. All of it - prescriptions, supplements, the thing your sister swears by. Doses if you know them.

Three: what you want out of today, in one sentence. Not five things. One.

That page is worth more than any question on this list.

First minute. Before the blood pressure cuff, before the small talk.

I have three things today, and the one I am most worried about is this one.

It sounds abrupt. It is not. You just handed the person a map of the next ten minutes and they will be grateful for it.

And if you only get to one thing, it will be the right one.

These three cover most of what goes wrong.

• What do you think is going on?
• What else could it be?
• What should make me call you before my next appointment?

What else could it be is the best question in medicine and almost nobody asks it.

It is not a challenge. It asks the person to think out loud, which is when you learn what they ruled out and what they did not.

Sometimes you will hear a pause and then well, it could also be, and that pause is worth the whole visit.

And the third question is your tripwire. Without it you go home with no idea which symptoms mean wait and which mean call today.

Four more, quickly:

• What is this supposed to do, and how will we know if it worked
• What are the common side effects, and which ones mean stop and call
• How long before I should expect anything
• Is there anything I take now that this does not get along with

Two questions, and they save a lot of grief.

What will we do differently depending on the result? If the honest answer is nothing, that is worth knowing before you go through it.

And: how do I get the result, and how long? Do not leave that vague. No news is good news is how results get lost.

Ask whether the result goes to your portal automatically, and whether somebody will call either way.

Say the plan back. Out loud. In your own words.

So I am doing this, stopping that, and coming back in six weeks. Did I get that right?

It feels a little silly. Do it anyway. It is the single best catch for a misunderstanding, and it takes about fifteen seconds.

Then write down who you call if something changes, and what the timeline is.

A new diagnosis makes your ears stop working. That is not weakness, that is what fear does to hearing.

So ask them to write the name of it down, spelled out. Ask what the usual course looks like. Ask what happens if you take a week to think.

And ask what they would want to know if they were you.

Bring somebody with you if you possibly can. Not to argue. To be the ears you will not have that day.

Some of you have been made to feel like a nuisance for bringing a list. I want to say something about that.

You are not a nuisance. You are the only person on earth paying attention to your body full time. Everybody else, however good, is working a shift and then going home.

This body was given to you and looking after it is not vanity. It is stewardship, and there is no shame anywhere near it - not for how long you waited, not for how you look, not for anything.

So pray on the way in if that is your way, and then ask your questions like somebody who is allowed to.

And come tell us how it went. Half the good questions I know, I learned from somebody else's appointment.

Trust God. Be committed. Stay informed.

Is bringing a written list rude?

The opposite. It saves everyone time and shows you thought about it beforehand. Hand it over at the start if you want - some doctors will read it faster than you can say it.

Can I record the appointment?

Ask first, always. Many clinics are fine with it and some have rules, and asking keeps it from feeling like a trap. Plenty of practices also send a visit summary you can read later.

What if I do not understand the words being used?

Say so right then. Can you say that in plain English is a completely reasonable sentence and nobody good will mind. Leaving confused helps no one.

What if I run out of time?

Say it out loud before they leave. We did not get to my second thing - can we book a follow-up for that. Better a second visit than a rushed answer to something that mattered.

How do I bring up something embarrassing?

Early, and flatly. There is something I have been avoiding saying, and then say it. Whatever it is, they have heard it this week already, probably more than once.

This is the part that actually matters. Real people, honest questions, nobody selling you
anything.

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• Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality
• MedlinePlus, National Library of Medicine
• National Institute on Aging

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